How can I attract a woman? – the female perspective

Before we continue with the theme of building confidence, let’s consider things from the female perspective for a moment.

Ok, I’m not a woman, but we can make some generalisations, and we can also to some degree put ourselves in a woman’s shoes – because some of the things that create attraction work in both directions.

The differences between men’s and women’s perspectives are likely largely to be biological. We live in an age in which quite rightly the sexes increasingly have equal rights and (to a lesser extent in many fields) equal opportunities. Even so, biological differences from millions of years of evolution are not wiped out by social progress. Women are in no way inferior but they are different, including in the way that they respond to the opposite sex. So far, so obvious.

This is a generalisation, and like all generalisations there will be exceptions. But I think it is true to say that men are far more influenced by visual stimuli than women. Sure, women will admire a well-toned male body just as much as we men are attracted to a woman with a cute face, an hour-glass figure and well-formed legs (preferences as regards breasts being more idiosyncratic – but you get the point). But it is said, and I think with justification, that for men the visual stimulus is the most powerful at the beginning, and can take us through several dates with an air-headed beauty before we get terminally bored. Women, on the other hand, respond not just to the visual stimulus but to attitude. Not just later on, but at the outset.

This is where a man with the right attitude can succeed. Let’s take it for granted for now that you can’t do much about your looks (you can, but we’ll cover that later). What you can change is your attitude. A confident attitude will create attraction even if your musculature is not up to Chippendale standards.

I’ll leave it to those who like to speculate on the biological origins of behaviour to think up a theory about why women are more likely to be attracted to men with a confident attitude. It’s not hard to figure out.

This is good news, because it means that those of us not born with film star looks can still learn how to attract women. It also explains why some quite rich and good-looking men fail to attract a woman they want. It’s much more of a level playing field than you think.

More on this soon.

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