“To the girl with dark hair eating an apple on the bus. You took the 13 bus to Clapham at 7pm on Tuesday and I think you took my heart with you. I wanted to approach you but you were with your friend. Fancy a coffee sometime? – Shy Guy in the red tie”
(Adapted from entries in the section in the morning newspaper where such people write in.)
How does the woman’s friend stop Shy Guy from offering a meeting over coffee? Answer: she doesn’t.
What’s Shy Guy’s chance of getting a date with this woman? Probably close to zero.
What should he have done instead?
It’s obvious isn’t it? Yet every day there are a handful of these messages in the newspaper, from women too. I’ve read these in Canada, so it’s not just a London thing.
Think about it. Shy Guy goes up to woman and says “hi.” No smarmy or creepy or clever lines. Especially not, “You’re so beautiful, please go out with me” (which will never work unless she’s desperate). Just “hi.”
Of course, he’ll have to follow through with something further, depending on what she says. But his back stop line could be as simple as, “I just saw you and thought I’d say hi. My name’s Shy Guy, what’s yours?”
If she’s not interested, he can pick up the cues and not be annoying, smile and withdraw gracefully. What’s to lose? We act as though the sky will fall in if some woman isn’t interested. Done properly and lightheartedly, this incident will brighten up her day – even if you’re not her type.
One more comment until I return to this topic in due course: being confident and saying “hi” gives a much more powerful message than a line in the newspaper.