Stop getting rejected on-line

Eight tips about how to stop getting rejected on-line from female blogger YoureJustADumbAss.

It’s good advice. But if you’re dating on-line you need to know how to get women to respond to your profile in the first place.

Here are some ideas to get you started. What makes you click on a profile? You are skimming tens or even hundreds of profiles. Many don’t get a second glance from you. Why not? Because of a dodgy picture, and then because of a boring profile. What if the profile is fun and a little flirtatious? Aren’t you more likely to want to respond?

Ok, there’s no point in pretending you are something you are not, because you’ll get rejected later on. But I have noticed that different pictures of the same woman can make her appear very appealing or very off-putting. A flash photograph taken in a mirror is not going to do it, because flash flattens your features and makes you look pale and ill, even if you don’t also have red-eye. A picture taken on a phone at arm’s length is unlikely to do you justice either. Lighting is important, to show off your rugged handsomeness to maximum advantage. Pose is important too – this is not a mug shot for a police lineup. Make eye-contact with the camera. More in my book, Dating – the missing manual.

Next, pay attention to what you write. The aim of your profile is not to tell women everything about you. The aim is to create attraction, to make her want to know more. Tell enough to attract the kind of woman you want to attract, but most of all make it light, make it amusing. Most of all, never appear desperate.

For more tips that from personal experience I know work, treat yourself to my remarkably inexpensive book.


Love from abroad?

Some men imagine they’ll find true love abroad. If you do any internet dating you will get the occasional message from some attractive woman in some remote part of the world. I’m not saying it can never work out, but with the right techniques you can attract women right here on your own doorstep. And if you can’t attract a woman in your own home town, how are you going to work the magic on this exotic woman, once you meet up?

Incidentally (off topic, but hey…) the same applies to overseas property investment. If you can’t make money in property investment within easy travelling distance from where you live (where you can keep an eye on things and make sure you’re not being ripped off) how do you imagine you will make money investing in a resort a few thousand miles away?

Anyway, here’s a short extract from my book, Dating – the missing manual:

Don’t be taken in

Remember that on the web no-one can see who you really are. Since you are on a genuine quest, you have no reason not to be honest. But there are some strange people out there.

Hot babes from other countries who allege that they just want to find an honest man to settle down with may be genuine, but then what’s wrong with the men in their own countries?

Could they be after a bogus marriage and a residence visa? Could they be after the thousand pounds or more that they need for a visa application and air fare so that they can some and see you? And oops! There was a last minute problem with the authorities so I cannot come my darling. (Needless to say the air fare was non-refundable.)

And could it be that the lovely Maya doesn’t exist, but some middle-aged man has found a nice photograph on the internet and is pretending to be Maya with her tempting body and pretty face, in order to extract money from you?

You are searching for something very important to you, and in this condition you are very vulnerable to believing whatever you are told.

Don’t be daft. Your chances with women in your own country are at least as good as they are with someone from elsewhere. If you follow the advice in this book you can have a lot of fun verifying this and at the same time minimise your risk of being taken for a ride.

This is simply because you will learn that you are a man with choices. If something isn’t quite right, you don’t have to settle for it, because you are not desperate.

How to construct a dating profile

How long do you have to wait to find THE ONE, your soulmate? A lot depends on meeting a lot of women (or men if you’re a woman, or women if you’re a lesbian, or … work it out for yourself), because it’s partly a numbers game, and if you’re doing it on-line, it depends on having a dating profile that produces results.

Here is a blog post from someone frustrated by the whole dating business:

There are some harsh realities that come with putting yourself out there into the dating scene (do we call it that? Is it The Game? No, that’s a rapper..).

You have to be patient, I’m told, which is funny because I’ve been patient for quite some time. Long enough that I should win the Most Patient Award… [read more]

She goes on to write about online dating:

So maybe the first couple nights I was a little slutty with the winking (it’s a feature where you basically send people a “wink” whose profile you liked). Aaaaaand nothing has come of it.

Oh, there was that one “No thanks” from someone, so that was cool…

It also tells you how many people have looked at your profile. Now, I’m not good at math, but I can tell you that my ratio thus far of views to responses is a bit on the unfortunate side. …

And all she really wants (after discussing this issue for a while) is:

…maybe just somebody to hold hands with at the movies.

Such a simple thing to want, and yet so full of depth. Yes, that really is important because it implies so much.

There is a lot of advice in my book about how to set up a dating profile that works. Let me tell you a story from the section How to construct a profile in my book Dating – the missing manual :

Learn from my mistakes.

I constructed a beautiful profile on one of the better sites. The profile was very serious and said what I was interested in and so on about myself.

There was nothing particularly wrong with it.

I even had a photographer friend take a number of photos of me and picked the one that made me look good.

The profile wasn’t a total dud. I did get two or three dates out of it, but I didn’t find a keeper that way.

When I did find my true love, as it happens by an entirely different method, I changed my profile to something like this:

“Two space vixens have been fighting over me with phasers set to stun, and the victorious one has now abducted me in her spaceship, so I am no longer available. Sorry to disappoint.”

This was my way of signing off, but to my surprise I then got a little windfall of interested replies within a very short space of time. Not logical, you might think. But there is a lesson in this.

My analysis: the serious profile says ‘boring.’ ‘This person takes himself too seriously.’

Note well: your dating site profile is not about information. It is about attraction. A fun profile makes the woman think, ‘this guy is a hoot; it would be fun to meet him.’

There are other lessons to be learned from this, which I go on to discuss in the book.

Dating is a numbers game. You are going to have to contact a lot of women (or men …etc.) to find THE ONE. The first step in making contact through a dating site is to have a profile that works for you.

You don’t need to tell everything about yourself. You do need to create attraction. Raising a smile is a very good start.