One most important thing to understand is that men get turned on quickly but women take longer to be ready – you have to create the mood. Today, though, I’m going to assume you’ve done that and things are going well, but you’re at risk of coming before she does.
A really excellent way of stimulating her without coming too soon
With you on top, rub the underside of the shaft of your penis against her clitoral area (see figure). You don’t have to worry about exact positioning because her vulva will more or less guide you into the correct area.
You can then thrust against her without being inside her. The stimulation you are getting is on the relatively less sensitive shaft of the penis, but the stimulation she is getting is fairly maximal.
I would add that if even that starts to get too much for you then continue clitoral stimulation with your fingers.
Credit: B. Navez, licensed under Wikimedia Commons
I once heard the term ‘vanilla sex’ used as a term of mild abuse, as though those of us satisfied with love simply expressed between bodies were somehow missing out compared with those who like encounters involving various types of equipment.
I do not wish to pass a negative judgement on anyone who enjoys anything, no matter how strange, as long as it does not harm or coerce others. Each to his or her own. However I thought I might point out just how sexy vanilla is.
Look at this cross-section of the vanilla flower (this is taken from Wikipedia, and by clicking on the image you should be able to see the original larger version).
Notice how the inner part of the flower resembles a vagina with the labia actually labelled on the picture as labia (the picture label is ‘labellum’ which means ‘little labium,’ the singular form of ‘labia’).
The part labelled ‘stigma’ is the part that receives the pollen. Notice it is in the upper part of the vagina-like opening of the flower, just where the most sensitive part of the vagina is in a woman. Of course this is co-incidence, but it is very poetic.
The flower also has a male part, which is labelled in this diagram as the anther. The anther looks remarkably like a clitoris. This is where the pollen comes from, but the flower does not pollinate itself. Flowers do not exist for solitary joy. There is a membrane separating the male from the female parts.
In order for the flower to be pollinated, to make seeds for the next generation of vanilla plants (or to make vanilla pods to flavour our ice-cream), a Mexican bee has to come into the flower bearing pollen from another vanilla flower somewhere else.
Thus, unlike us, flowers love at a distance, and is the bee that penetrates, carrying their love back and forth.
Did you ever hear of a woman who didn’t like foreplay? I haven’t.
Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.
If you have a tendency to come too soon, then try bringing her to orgasm before you even go in.
For example, let your fingers do the work. Or even better, give her oral sex. Use your tongue around her labia (‘pussy lips’) and clitoris, and keep doing whatever she likes best. She’ll probably respond most to your stimulating her clitoris, but change what you do from time to time to keep the anticipation going.
You will find a clear diagram of the female genital area, and what is most sensitive, in my ebook (UK link – for other links see the side panel or type ’10 hot tips’ into Amazon).