How can I attract a woman? – the magic of makeover

If you, like me, have a romantic view of life you may be thinking that it’s the inner you that counts, and a woman should be attracted to you for that. But the inner you isn’t what’s on public display. It’s like thinking that a shop will make money just by selling quality goods and therefore doesn’t need to bother with a window display. It doesn’t work like that.

I’m going to contradict myself, because the inner you does count and is absolutely crucial in the game of attraction. But we’ll come to that another time.

Presentation is important for two main reasons.

First, because first impressions count. To find your dream woman you have to attract her first.

The woman who became my wife told me much later that her mother had advised her to check a man’s shoes. No doubt that wasn’t her sole or even her main criterion for going out with me, but there it was anyway. Perhaps we’ll return to the topic of shoes and what they say about you later. Obviously there’s a lot more to it than shoes.

Second, presentation changes the way we feel about ourselves.

All along I’ve been emphasising the importance of confidence. I don’t mean swagger or conceitedness, but confidence. We need to develop the kind of confidence that stops us worrying about the impression we’re making (because without thinking about it we know it’s a good one) and focusses instead on other people, including the woman we are trying to attract.

Here’s the thing: a makeover can instantly change how we feel about ourselves.

Ok, it involves some expenditure. But it gives us a massive head start. If you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good you’ll be radiating the kind of energy that attracts women.

If you’re not sure where to start, ask a female friend or sister (assuming she has good taste and likes you enough to want to help) to sort out your wardrobe and put all the rejects in a box for the charity shop. Next, ask the female friend or sister to go clothes shopping with you. If you’re on a budget you can take this a step at a time. But make a start on it, because it’s really important.

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In response to criticism of pornography

In response to this criticism of pornography on another blog:

… The addict to pornography desires to be blinded, to live in a dream. Those in the thrall of pornography try to eliminate from their consciousness the world outside pornography […]. In engaging in such elimination the viewer reduces himself. He becomes stupid.

I wrote:

One can become lost in a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, thinking about whether one will get a pay rise, the rent, the mortgage, carrying anger against one’s beloved for some trivial matter, self-justification, ten thousand things that are not one self. Why single out pornography? It is only the image of the beloved, warped and distanced because one is separated from the reality. It is not the object of our identification that is at fault, but our identification with it.

Yes, pornography has dangers, but so does reading the newspaper or watching TV, or indeed reading or writing blogs. Any communication can become a substitute for reality, an end in itself. It is also possible for a piece of writing, theatre, song, painting, photograph to point beyond itself.

The line between art and pornography has been debated before, and it is an interesting question, perhaps without a definite answer. If you see beauty in what someone else calls pornography, then it is beauty that you see.

There is the intention of the artist or photographer, and there is your intention as viewer. Of course a definite result is more likely if these intentions coincide. And what kind of result do you want? But if you want to be inspired, be inspired.