We don’t know what real sex is. And we don’t know what real sex is because we don’t know how to live in the moment, especially with another person.
We are ‘in our heads,’ in imagination most of the time. We are somewhere else. We don’t really inhabit our bodies.
If we are trying to make love but are thinking, ‘what if I come too quickly? What if I don’t satisfy her? What if…?’ then we are not present to her and not present to our own body. The mind is elsewhere.
There are two bodies there but at least one of us isn’t home. Add to that the anxiety created by these entirely unnecessary thoughts and we have a situation in which erectile failure and/or premature ejaculation is likely.
Alternatively we get too excited, we start moving too quickly, we get lost in our own pleasure, we’re not there for her, and once again we’ve lost it. We are too much in ourselves in our own heads.
Sometimes the most profound truths are the simplest and most obvious. You can’t have real sex if you are not really there.