The ecstasy

Sex gets separated from the rest of our lives. Its energy threatens us, so we separate it off, compartmentalise it, try to make it safe, Binding with briars my joys and desires as William Blake put it in The Garden of love.

This is a problem for us whether or not we are in a sexual relationship.

It is a problem for us if we try to cut our imaginary identity off from our sexuality.

This thing of darkness I acknowledge mine, as Shakespeare put it in The Tempest.

In John Donne’s poem The ecstasy are the lines,

Love’s mysteries in souls do grow, 
But yet the body is his book.



Did you ever hear of a woman who didn’t like foreplay? I haven’t.

Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.

If you have a tendency to come too soon, then try bringing her to orgasm before you even go in.

For example, let your fingers do the work. Or even better, give her oral sex. Use your tongue around her labia (‘pussy lips’) and clitoris, and keep doing whatever she likes best. She’ll probably respond most to your stimulating her clitoris, but change what you do from time to time to keep the anticipation going.

You will find a clear diagram of the female genital area, and what is most sensitive, in my ebook (UK link – for other links see the side panel or type ’10 hot tips’ into Amazon).

99¢ to make your woman happy

Here it is: the link to the Kindle edition of 10 hot tips for lasting longer in bed and giving your woman more pleasure – practical sexual anatomy for men who love women (UK link). (US link here.)

For a mere 99¢ (about 75p depending on the state of the UK economy) men can finally understand why women aren’t always pleased by fast and deep.

(Note: for some reason have this at $1.19 “including VAT.” I don’t know if this is some weird glitch that results from viewing from the UK. I was not aware that the USA had the VAT tax nor that it was at the UK rate of 20%. Maybe someone will let me know. Anyway I downloaded it to check that everything works as it should and it cost me 77p in the UK.)

10 hot tips for lasting longer in bed

book cover

10 hot tips for lasting longer in bed will be available very soon for the Amazon Kindle and compatible e-readers.

This illustrated e-booklet explains where a woman’s most sensitive sexual areas are and how you can use this knowledge to make her come before you do. (22 pages, 7 diagrams.)

Most of the material in this e-booklet is extracted from my book Last as long as you want in bed. I wanted to make 10 hot tips free for the Kindle, but it seems there is no easy way of doing that, so it will be priced at 99¢ and whatever the equivalent is in the UK (about 75p right now).

If you prefer you can download the booklet completely free as a pdf now.

You can’t have real sex if you’re not really there

We don’t know what real sex is. And we don’t know what real sex is because we don’t know how to live in the moment, especially with another person.

We are ‘in our heads,’ in imagination most of the time. We are somewhere else. We don’t really inhabit our bodies.

If we are trying to make love but are thinking, ‘what if I come too quickly? What if I don’t satisfy her? What if…?’ then we are not present to her and not present to our own body. The mind is elsewhere.

There are two bodies there but at least one of us isn’t home. Add to that the anxiety created by these entirely unnecessary thoughts and we have a situation in which erectile failure and/or premature ejaculation is likely.

Alternatively we get too excited, we start moving too quickly, we get lost in our own pleasure, we’re not there for her, and once again we’ve lost it. We are too much in ourselves in our own heads.

Sometimes the most profound truths are the simplest and most obvious. You can’t have real sex if you are not really there.

Life changing information for the price of a large takeaway pizza!

The UK edition of Last as long as you want in bed – five steps to overcoming premature ejaculation is now available from Amazon at the correct price of £9.97.

Following my plea to Amazon to be allowed to communicate with a human, I received a reply that indicated that a little more attention had been given to it. It was essentially the same misunderstanding re-worded, so I still couldn’t give it a smily face.

I responded with line-by-line comments.

Following this my chum at Amazon who shall remain nameless to spare her blushes finally understood and told me I had to notify the correct price to Nielsen (who control ISBNs in the UK). I did this but meanwhile she surged ahead and checked the price with the printer, then changed it on It’s as though something had stirred her into passionate action.

Maybe she wanted her boyfriend to buy the book – who knows?

Anyway I’m grateful.

Meanwhile I am working on an extended version of my free ebook,

10 hot tips for lasting longer during sex and giving your woman more pleasure – practical sexual anatomy for men who love women. Not a catchy title but it says what it needs to say. More on this soon.

The most sensitive part of the vagina

What is the most sensitive part of the vagina?

Another blogger found my blog and clicked the ‘Like’ button. While I hesitate to recommend her blog since it is, one might say, sometimes lacking in aesthetic finesse, the blogger does affirm what I as a male only know indirectly, that is, that the most sensitive part of the vagina is the outer one-third.

It follows therefore that penis size, at any rate length, is not important, and reaffirms that it’s not what you’ve got but what you do with it that counts.

It is worth repeating this piece of non-news since there are so many web sites out there that say or imply the opposite.

In fairness to the other blogger, a link to a relatively less in-your-face part of her blog is here (‘). However do not click it if you are of a sensitive disposition. It is definitely not safe for work.  I would also say that the blogger’s attitude to sex is not the only possible one, although it does have a certain raw if desperate poetry.