There is a joke that goes like this.
The wife is in the kitchen early in the morning and her husband comes in. ‘Quick,’ she says, ‘take me right now.’ The husband is a bit surprised, but not wishing to let such an opportunity go by he obliges her on the kitchen table. He gives her a good seeing-to and when he’s finished he asks her, ‘Why the sudden urgency?’ She says, ‘Well I’m doing boiled eggs and the egg-timer is broken.’
The subtext of course is that he has come but she hasn’t. He’s too quick.
The joke is remarkably accurate, because studies show that the average male lasts about 5 minutes. There is a way for men to last much longer, if we want to.
I started this blog because of a surprising discovery.
Well, to be honest the surprising discovery was why I wrote my first book, Last as long as you want in bed, subtitled It’s not about you. And the purpose of the blog is to encourage you to buy the (remarkably inexpensive) book. But of that, enough for now.
The surprising discovery is so simple that when I state it you might well think, well I knew that already. It’s obvious. But if that is so, why do so many of us have problems with sex and in particular why do so many men come before they have satisfied their woman? Studies show that a third of all men have suffered some sexual dysfunction, with premature ejaculation being common (scientific references are in the book).
So what was the surprising and obvious discovery? It’s that real sex, the best sex, is about being there for the other person, and for a man, that means responding to what she wants and what turns her on. It requires an act of will, because you have to resist your desire to get right on with what your body is urging you to do. Most of all you have to be present – to her and to your own body – but at the same time not be a slave to your own body.
It’s not about you, it’s about her.
Strange, that being present is where we are usually not, and this leads to all kinds of disasters, not least in the bedroom (or the kitchen table, for that matter).
Yet by being present we can truly enjoy, in a much deeper way, what is actually happening, right now.