Good advice from another blogger. Hey, if someone else is saying it, I don’t have to.
blogs
Things to know about a woman
Women do not always seem logical to men, which means we often do the wrong thing because the apparently logical answer is not always the right answer. So we need some quick tips to guide us when the situation doesn’t make sense. Here is some excellent advice from blogger Clark Kent. (Note for pedants: I agree the use of apostrophes here is somewhat arbitrary. Click this link for the correct use of apostrophes.)
When she stare’s at your mouth!
[Kiss her!]
When she pushes you or hit’s you!
[Grab her and dont let go!]
When she start’s cursing at you!
[Kiss her and tell her you love her!]
When she’s quiet!
[Ask her whats wrong!]
When she ignore’s you!
[Give her your attention!]
When she pull’s away!
[Pull her back!]
When you see her at her worst!
[Tell her she’s beautiful!]
When you see her start crying!
[Just hold her and dont say a word!]
Click through for the full list. It won’t always work, but most times it will work reasonably well.
Clark Kent follows with a quotation from Eckhart Tolle. It is worth reading. Being in the moment, we are much more likely to be able to understand correctly what is happening, or at the very least, understand that we don’t understand.
I would add one more piece of advice. If you don’t know what to say, or what you want to say you have doubts about, say nothing.
Be silent, or let your words be worth more than silence – attributed to Pythagoras. (If anyone knows the source of this quotation, please let me know. I don’t record it from Diogenes Laertius Lives of the Philosophers, and Pythagoras himself wrote nothing that survives.)
Thanks to the ladies at Once a Month
Once a month 4 ladies
Yay! Praise for my comments on the blog Once a month 4 ladies!
Fellow blokes, it’s always useful to hear women’s opinions on dating and sex. We may think we know, but do we? That’s why, if you’re looking to find and keep the one, or to give her maximum pleasure, or to find out whether a woman can successfully fake an orgasm, or even to know whether women really care about the size of a man’s penis, it’s really useful to check out women’s blogs on the subject.
Here’s a good place to start: http://onceamonth4ladies.com/category/ask-xy/
You can of course contribute a male point of view, too.
This is the very definition and beauty of true art
This is the very definition and beauty of true art. (Re-blogged from One Thousand Single Days.)
These people had a real connection. This is what you are looking for when you are searching for a soulmate. Forever, or for a moment.
Alarm bells – what not to do on a first date
Excellent advice from a female blogger about what not to do on a first date. Men, pay attention. If you do any of these things you may trigger alarm bells in her head.
My comments:
About the bill. I think the point here is that if you invite someone out, you pay. Certainly if you’re already in a relationship it’s reasonable to split the bill. When we were dating, the woman who is now my wife insisted on it. But if it’s a first date, and you’ve invited her, you pay.
Talking about sex on a first date – no (unless this is just a hookup for sex – but then that isn’t a date – it’s just a hookup). Or about your ex? No further comment from me required I think.
Bad table manners? I heard of one man who asked his date if she wanted a particular piece of food then took it off her plate without waiting for the answer. Needless to say that did not go down well.
Talking too much about yourself? You are the international man of mystery. Answer any questions she may ask, but only what she’s asked. Further detail is not required unless she asks for it. Keep turning the conversation back to her, and listen to the answers. She’ll think you’re wonderful if you can do it.
Stop getting rejected on-line
Eight tips about how to stop getting rejected on-line from female blogger YoureJustADumbAss.
It’s good advice. But if you’re dating on-line you need to know how to get women to respond to your profile in the first place.
Here are some ideas to get you started. What makes you click on a profile? You are skimming tens or even hundreds of profiles. Many don’t get a second glance from you. Why not? Because of a dodgy picture, and then because of a boring profile. What if the profile is fun and a little flirtatious? Aren’t you more likely to want to respond?
Ok, there’s no point in pretending you are something you are not, because you’ll get rejected later on. But I have noticed that different pictures of the same woman can make her appear very appealing or very off-putting. A flash photograph taken in a mirror is not going to do it, because flash flattens your features and makes you look pale and ill, even if you don’t also have red-eye. A picture taken on a phone at arm’s length is unlikely to do you justice either. Lighting is important, to show off your rugged handsomeness to maximum advantage. Pose is important too – this is not a mug shot for a police lineup. Make eye-contact with the camera. More in my book, Dating – the missing manual.
Next, pay attention to what you write. The aim of your profile is not to tell women everything about you. The aim is to create attraction, to make her want to know more. Tell enough to attract the kind of woman you want to attract, but most of all make it light, make it amusing. Most of all, never appear desperate.
For more tips that from personal experience I know work, treat yourself to my remarkably inexpensive book.
If you have not known sex, how can you drop it?
Maybe there are some who can find spiritual enlightenment in a monastery. But most of us live in a world which makes continual demands on us and in which our desires pop up wherever we look. How best to work with them?
Remember Tales from the Riverbank on TV a long time ago? I don’t mean the one with Ratty and Hammy the Hamster. I mean the Chinese stories. The stories were always interrupted at various points by Chinese proverbs, like, ‘Do not despise the snake for having no horns, for one day he will become a dragon! Even so, one just man can become an army!’ Great stuff.
(Through a combination of past life memory retrieval and Google I now realise it was called The Water Margin. Apparently it was based on a classic Chinese novel.)
Anyway, in one episode the Chinese proverb was, ‘It is said that Heaven is the absence of all desires. Even so, here was one man prepared to risk all to see his sweetheart!’
Wonderful!
You see the problem here? How can you deserve a sweetheart if you are not prepared to risk all to see her? But how can you risk anything if you have no desires?
Don’t try to resolve the paradox too quickly. I believe it is true that Heaven is the absence of all desires. At the same time, I believe it is necessary to follow one’s desires where they lead (tempered by common sense, inner discipline and consideration for others, of course). If you resolve the paradox too quickly you will miss the point.
Anyway, of this, enough. Here is the link I wanted to share with you. It is Osho’s view. You don’t have to like (or dislike) Osho to consider what he has to say.
http://o-meditation.com/2012/07/09/go-beyond-through-experiencing-osho/
Your woman and now
Please overlook the misplaced apostrophes and understand. Today I can do no better than refer you to this blog post on another blog:
www.2baware.net/blog/uncategorized/things-to-know-about-a-woman
(My tour through Ovid’s Art of love will begin soon.)
Let’s reframe hurt
How do we work with ending a relationship, or being on the receiving end of being left? On a blog owned by “You’re just a dumb ass” it is worth reading Let’s reframe hurt.
Here’s my two pence about ending a long relationship from my book “Dating – the missing manual.” (It really is a proper manual, because I cover everything including ending a short date and ending a long relationship, and what do do if dumped – of which more another time.)
Ending it gently
There is a horrible tendency to fall into hate when one falls out of love. I don’t know why this is, and it appears to be a deep-rooted thing that keeps divorce lawyers in pay.
One thing to avoid, so that you don’t have to be on the receiving end of justifiable hate, is making promises you don’t intend to keep. Be honest.
In any case try not to fall into hate – it’s a massive waste of your energy. Just because you weren’t right for each other, it’s nobody’s fault.
I am giving this advice because if you apply the rest of the advice in this book (tempered always by your own judgement, of course, which means, as always, you are responsible for your own actions) then you are very likely to be successful with women and a longer relationship is likely to follow.
If a longer relationship breaks down the same rule applies as with a brief date – be kind, be courteous. It didn’t work out, we’ve moved apart, are on different tracks. Nobody’s fault. It was good while it lasted, wasn’t it? (Of course it was or you wouldn’t have done it.) I wish you well.
Ideally, as a man with choices, you won’t settle for a woman before you find the right one and you won’t have children with a woman you’re not going to stay the course with. But realistically, these things happen.
Of course then other things have to be sorted out, like money and kids. Very important, especially kids. These important matters are well outside the scope of this guide. But try to see the bigger picture and be prepared to make reasonable sacrifices. Generosity in measure, and again patience.
Get it right, and your relationship with your children and even your ex- will still be making your life easier and happier when you’ve long since forgotten about the money. And less of the money will have gone to the lawyers.
Whether the relationship was short or long, you are the pilot of a plane. One of the engines isn’t working and the wheels have come off. Try to land without blowing up.
Gender identity
A very interesting article on gender identity from the New York Times is reproduced in The Floating Library blog.
I do wonder whether our American cousins, even in so-called liberal areas, have more difficulty with this than we do in the UK. A nephew claimed he was gay and we all said, ok that’s fine. Later on he changed his mind and has no trouble picking up girlfriends. A niece came out as gay and likewise we all said, fine, be happy, sympathised when her girlfriend broke up with her and welcomed the girlfriend to family gatherings when the relationship was back on.
Ok, sexual orientation is not the same thing as gender identity. But the same principle applies: you are as God made you, and there’s nothing you can do about that.
We tried to be gender neutral in bringing up our daughters but the oldest always played with Sindies (or was it Barbies – whichever was the least politically incorrect). You can’t fight it, whether you’re liberal or the other way.
You’re children are what they are. You don’t order them à la carte.
Cornelius Agrippa 